hmm.

Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 51:15-17

tonight, i painted watercolor on canvas for intervarsity large group.
painting is so worshipful for me and is such an expression of love towards my Father, i am incapable of describing just how much joy it brings me and how much closer i feel to God when i do it..

but painting in front of other people is a whole nutha ball game and i always have the idea that if i am ever going to paint in front of people, i need to do it from this place of overflowing.. like i need to feel God so close that from that, the art is just an expression of that outpouring and the awareness of His presence that i feel.

...only that wasn't the case tonight.  throughout today i didn't sense that my heart was particularly in sync with God's, and tonight even while i painted, i didn't sense Him being with me.  not that He wasn't, but i guess i just felt pretty dry.  i was pretty discouraged about this and was thinking, honestly, how dare i paint from such a place of lacking?
when i told my friend, Justin, about this afterwards, he pointed me to the verses above and made me aware of the fact that if i was coming from a place of emptiness today, God is even more desiring of my inadequate offering.  i couldn't even believe it.

geez, the more i walk with God, the more i am learning how much He is desiring of me to come just exactly as i am... messy, broken, dry, and all. 
what the heck??  no other God...