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hmm.

12/2/2013

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Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 51:15-17
Picture
tonight, i painted watercolor on canvas for intervarsity large group.
painting is so worshipful for me and is such an expression of love towards my Father, i am incapable of describing just how much joy it brings me and how much closer i feel to God when i do it..

but painting in front of other people is a whole nutha ball game and i always have the idea that if i am ever going to paint in front of people, i need to do it from this place of overflowing.. like i need to feel God so close that from that, the art is just an expression of that outpouring and the awareness of His presence that i feel.

...only that wasn't the case tonight.  throughout today i didn't sense that my heart was particularly in sync with God's, and tonight even while i painted, i didn't sense Him being with me.  not that He wasn't, but i guess i just felt pretty dry.  i was pretty discouraged about this and was thinking, honestly, how dare i paint from such a place of lacking?
when i told my friend, Justin, about this afterwards, he pointed me to the verses above and made me aware of the fact that if i was coming from a place of emptiness today, God is even more desiring of my inadequate offering.  i couldn't even believe it.

geez, the more i walk with God, the more i am learning how much He is desiring of me to come just exactly as i am... messy, broken, dry, and all. 
what the heck??  no other God...
1 Comment
Rebecca Rausch
12/3/2013 05:03:52 am

Alexi! I have loved reading your blog and the way God is working in your life! He is this blog that you are glorifying Him with! I was gonna write on you fb wall, but it doesn't look like you are on fb anymore. Anyways, it was great seeing you for that little bit a few weeks ago! Keep writing!

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    Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall,

    I’m free to love once and for all
    And even when I fall I’ll get back up
    For the joy that overflows my cup 
    Heaven filled me with more than enough
    Broke down my levees and my bluffs
    Let the flood wash me.

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