it didn't start out that way. it started out self-destructive, self-doubtful, self-ish. in a dry and empty place. pathetic, really. whiney and needy and ugly.
but then i felt God's spirit urging me to basically pick myself up. to do hard things i didn't want to do. to stop whining. to stop wallowing and thinking. i think i too often think that Him loving me and Him comforting me means Him soothing and saying nice words. which i know He does. i know He's gentle. but today Him loving me meant a kick in the pants, and i'm thankful. He didn't let me fall or stay in that place. today i saw how He looked past my ugliness to who He made me to be, and started doing some chiseling with me.
for God being who He is. for me not being God and not getting to decide how God is.
for God giving each of us purpose.
for paige's voice on the phone.
for holland. every day for holland. for the handmade card with "to my sweet pea" on the front of it that she gave just to love me. i'll never be able to say how much i love that soul.
for craisins and chocolate chips.
for sean and marissa and the ridiculous amount of joy in their eyes and squeaks in their voices when they saw so many people making decisions to live on campus next year to make Christ known. their legacy is beautiful.
for clean rooms
for cory and matthew, makin me laugh and taking time to talk to me. those two! i just like em a lot!
for coral calling me alexi rae. that is the most special! no one else does that & i love it!
for sleeping at last
for taylor, and that he's in my life.
for coral letting emily and i each take a lip to put chapstick on for her (:
for the dried flower on my desk that makes me happy
for coral and how she is the kind of friend who makes me repeat after her and say "my name is alexi rae speich and i am smart and cool" when i was feeling kinda not. coral is SO good and caring for people.
for dad taking time out of his day just to help me problem solve to try to figure out internet problems.
for warm showers
for cole and tj and isaac, my brothers.
for the 3 kathys that i met at church on sunday (: and the cookies they wanted us to take home and the love they gave!
for winter and how she always visits me and tells me about her day! just my favorite.
for becca wanting to be with me and the hugs she gives!
for doing hard things
for emily. one who has a special place. her friendship is so dear to me.